Woke up this morning to read the following in our newspaper…
The EPA was called to the Tighe family household last night after complaints of a toxic spill. One advisor, who asked to remain anonymous, told our reporters, “This…this was pretty bad. I mean, lots of folks have heard about the Exxon Valdez, or more recently the TVA disaster. What they just don’t understand are that there are environmentally hazardous things happening right here, in this very town.”
Experts were quick to point out that no heavy metals or radioactive substances were involved. Instead, much of the cleanup involves management of carbon and sulfur compounds, as well as green peas. Remarkably, babies seem completely unharmed by these spills. Molly Tighe considered this great fun and stuck both feet and legs into the spill. Fathers, and to a lesser extent mothers, are at risk for dry heaves and dizziness. Scientists recommend contacting grandparents in the event that such events start to get out of control.
Said one parent, “This isn’t the first time we’ve seen a poopy diaper. But at some point, it’s almost out of hand. The EPA has kindly loaned us some biohazard protection suits. You may have seen such suits featured in Outbreak. While bulky, we’re quite confident that they’re offer us the level of protection we need to get through those first 15 minutes of each morning.”
Scary, that this could happen in ‘lil ‘ol Gainesville, FL.